Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.
When you and your friends are just hanging out, you don't consider your buddies to have one specific style of comedy, you just like to shoot the shit, and whatever is funny works. And that's my mentality on stage. I don't care to be like "I'm the performer. Sit, listen, and laugh." I want it to feel like we're all just hanging out. And that's how I tell my stories.
This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.
I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
Sometimes, in order to follow one’s heart, one must do the wrong thing. Now, I’m not absolving anyone of their actions; you have to be responsible for your actions, sick or well, you have to be, you just have to be. All of us are accountable.
He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? "Get out there and play like horny old ladies!"