Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I called them and told them we were coming and said I didn't know how many we were bringing. They said bring them all. They said even if they had to get cots and line them all up, they would accommodate us. It's been great.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
You might be a redneck if your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts could really help. He's basically for people who want to vote for Bush but don't think Bush is Jewish enough.
Hey I was just wondering. Are you doing push ups with your knees down? Because I’m not sure if this is working out.
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young”.<br /> I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.”
Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!