Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.
Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because for the longest time, I have said that president Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass... and, by god, last week they went in and looked for it. They didn't find it, so now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words "Bush", "operation", and "successful" in the same sentence.
I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.
Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
If your back hurts because of your man purse, guess what else hurts? Your vagina.
To a heckler: I, sir, am heterosexual, and one day I will show you the statistics and make you weep.
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.
A large portion of the Earth’s land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.