Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”
My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.
Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
The average airplane is 16 years old, and so is the average airplane meal.
The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate... eh... spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
It's totally free. It is the complete freedom of performance. The first time the monologue is performed is when you see it on TV, and it'll never be seen again. It's pure TV. Bam! It's there, and then it's gone.
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.