Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
I am sick of deconstructing their propaganda, because it's pretty much the same as it's always been. It's just repeating something over and over again until we believe it and we hope that you believe it.
I can't control what people think this was. I can only tell you my intentions. This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith. Or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear. They are and we do. But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies.
We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!
I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers... damn anthropologists.
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.