Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.
If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
I am sick of deconstructing their propaganda, because it's pretty much the same as it's always been. It's just repeating something over and over again until we believe it and we hope that you believe it.
You might be a redneck if your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"