Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
When in doubt, I can stare blankly. The rubber face. There's only so many ways you can stare incredulously at the camera and tilt an eyebrow, but that's your old standby: What would Buster Keaton do?
I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it's such a specific item. I don't know that many words, and I'm going out... and I have pants. Perfect!
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory where they make those trick candles.
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
(While teaching his son to play baseball):<br /> "We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts."
Would you please - stop - taking - pictures - on your tiny - annoying (whispering) fucking camera. This is happening to you in real time, you are having the experience. It's not much point to verify that you were at the event when you're actually here.
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.