Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.”
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
I am often the one they call “You,” but I am no more “You” than you. I am me. And yet I am more “Me” than you are me or can ever be.
If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn’t have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn’t have passed away, I wouldn’t have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would’ve never auditioned for Curb.
But there was something really serendipitous that was happening, with some kind of energy that things would ultimately just work out, sometimes better than when you plan.
True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.