Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.
When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, "Hold it right there" and then shoot them with water gun.
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
We need a return to the basics in this country when you stop to think that only one of the three “R’s” actually starts with the letter “r.”
I’d much rather have AIDS than a baby… They’re not that different, you guys… They’re both expensive. You have them for the rest of your life. They’re constant reminders of the mistakes you’ve made. And once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them. What’s the difference?
Hey baby, baby go home man its three o'clock in the morning what the fuck are you doing up. The baby said I'm sellin' weed nigger.
I'm going to go to Kennebunkport and see if they respond any quicker!
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate... eh... spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.
This is not a dress. This is a sacred robe of the ancient psychedelic monks.