Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
You might be a redneck if you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.
You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.
It felt wonderful doing it. But that's rather like urinating in brown velvet pants. It can feel wonderful, but no one will watch.
Conservative talk radio hosts have conned the American people into thinking there is such a thing as a pro-life, pro-war, pro-gun, pro-death penalty Christian.
The views expressed by me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact me.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.