Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
The nature of comedy is "just do it". But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
It's totally free. It is the complete freedom of performance. The first time the monologue is performed is when you see it on TV, and it'll never be seen again. It's pure TV. Bam! It's there, and then it's gone.
Friday's turmoil in global markets looks set to continue to exert a dominant force on the foreign exchange markets. The usual trend when U.S. stocks fall is that the U.S. dollar suffers.
Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?
Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that’s stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.