Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.
You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
During her pregnancy my mother referred to me as a "wreck-in-progress."
Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?... or Carnival?... Carburetor? Man...
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."