Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1079
I was a mostly happy child, though I had a pretty rough puberty. Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it's good to grow up that way. It builds character.
Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.
I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, "Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!"
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.