Quotes and Jokes by Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Cherrie Barr is an American actress, comedian, writer, producer, and politician. Barr began her career in stand-up comedy before gaining acclaim in the television sitcom Roseanne. She won an Emmy and a Golden Globe Award for Best Actress for her work on the show. Barr became a stand-up comedian in 1980.

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 81)

#1

People say to me, “You’re not feminine.” Well, they can just suck my dick.

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#2

I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.

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#3

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

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#4

I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.

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#5

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

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#6

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.

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#7

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

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#8

Chili represents your three stages of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas.

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#9

Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature.

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#10

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life.

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#11

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

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#12

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

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#13

Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.

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#14

This town is a back-stabbing, scum-sucking, small-minded town, but thanks for the money.

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#15

Beauty comes in all sizes, not just size 5.

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