Quotes & Jokes about Terrorists / page 2

38 quotes

Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.

You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.

The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn't fit.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

The Times Square Incident wasn't a terrorist attack, it was a Jim Carrey movie. The terrorist locked the keys to the safe house he was going to escape to in the carbomb. And I love that he locked the carbomb. "Nobody's getting my Ipod." Then he left the keys to carbomb hanging out of the tailgate of the carbomb, and built the carbomb out of fertilizer that wouldn't explode. I have been doing comedy for 25 years and I have never been that funny.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?

You just did a whole read-through. The lie that brought us into war was that Iraq was a threat to us. Well, now it is a threat. Now it is a terrorist hotbed. The fiction is now reality. And now we have to deal with it. It was an attempt at a corporate takeover. This was about oil. It wasn't about human rights. It's not about human rights.

I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing. When homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid.

I mean, maybe one day we will live in a more optimum world where terrorists come in every color of the rainbow. But the truth is, now they don't. I mean, the people who are trying to get us are young Muslim men, period.

It's been five years, we still can't catch Osama bin Laden, but we've nailed Martha Stewart and Barry Bonds' ass to the wall. The world's worst terrorist is still dragging his dialysis machine through a Pakistani strip mall right now, but the doily broad and the slugger prick won't bother us again.

Terrorists, oh I’m sorry, Fox News tells us it’s all illegal immagration’s fault but it’s not their fault, it’s ours.

That’s the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.

By now you’ve heard the constant right wing attacks on the elite media and the liberal elite, who may or may not be part of Washington elite, a subset of the East Coast elite, which is overtly influenced by the Hollywood elite. So, basically, unless you’re a shit-kicker from Kansas, you’re with the terrorists.