Quotes & Jokes about Audience / page 2

122 quotes

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

Obviously the audience has veto power signified by whether they laugh or not, but you-not them-retain the ultimate power to decide what they’re going to get the opportunity to laugh at.

Whenever I play a role, whether it's good or bad, an evil person or nice person, I believe in being a purist and going all the way with the role. If I'm going to be a villainous wrestler, I believe in going all the way with it and not breaking character and not giving away to the audience that I'm playing a role. I believe in playing it straight to the hilt.

I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's anything that a lot of experience on stage and a lot of stage time gives you is the confidence to know that it's ok if they're not laughing every second you're up there. Although that's what drives me and I still go too fast a lot of the time.

The best part about being a stand-up is the connection with the audience. There's nothing more gratifying then when you can make 300 people applaud and stand up - because that's all you.

For me, the best Valentine’s Day gifts don’t cost anything because they come straight from the heart. That’s why I composed a special Valentine’s Day poem for you, my audience. “Roses are red, love’s but a fable. I’m really sorry you can’t afford cable.”

We presumed a certain intelligence on the audience, that they knew something about Sir Walter Raleigh, or about Abraham Lincoln, or the Wright Brothers.

These are all dreams. These are all things we want to have. (to man in audience) If I could grant you a power, any power, what would you want? Anything right now? "Dah, Jesus." You want to be Jesus? God you're such an egotistical prick. He thinks he's Jesus. Ah, Jesus. I'd love to cover him with spaghetti right now. Pppptthhh! Enjoy your spaghetti, you're very egotistical. Ahhh, Christ. Not you.

With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he’s a good athlete. But with a comedian, you see them in front of the wrong audience - and they can look like complete amateurs. It’s remarkable.

You can’t wait forever for an audience to get the joke, but you should give them at least two seconds to join in before you go on to the next one.

An aspiring comedian must be determined to get to his or her true feelings on a subject and convey that to the audience. Figure out what you’re feeling or interested in because the goal is to get the audience interested in what you’re interested in. Good stand up comedy is drawing people into your head.

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

I try to do something the audience might not have seen before. Like if I'm gonna kiss a girl I wanna kiss her like a girl has never been kissed. Like maybe I would kick her legs out from under her and catch her right before she hits the ground and then kiss her.

We as comics do want an immediate response from the audience. It's really quiet on the set, and there are only the producers, and the director, so a comic is looking for someone to give a reaction, even if it is the camera guy.

There's no math equation that equals ratings or demographics or even takes into consideration "The Man Show". What the fuck is "The Man Show" audience? You either go up there and connect, or you go up there and you don't connect.