Quotes & Jokes about Care / page 2

43 quotes

Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I'm like, "I never would have hung out with you. I didn't choose you. Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They're the same size. They don't care who they make me hang out with."

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

Making people laugh is what I've been doing since I was like four or five years old. I still have a lust, I still have a passion. I don't care about how I look, I'm dedicated to the laughs.

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

I don't care who wins because I go to sporting events to scream. It's the one place on the planet you can shout anything you want. You can bellow at will, and nobody will bother you. I yell things like, 'My life sucks! Dan Quayle is a schmuck! If I don't have sex soon, I'm going to explode!' Parents turn to their kids as I leave the stadium and go, 'Hey, there goes a great fan.'

I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue.

I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'm a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter.

People always ask "Rich, why don't you take a vacation?" Why would I? I have no interests or hobbies. The only things I care about are naked women and comedy. If I do my job well it often provides both.

I do podcasts for the same reasons I do stand-up comedy. I love it, and I don’t care if anybody else gets it.

If ketchup had 1/20th of the carcinogens in a cigarette they'd rip it off the shelves tomorrow, so the government is full of shit when they tell you that they care about you.

I’m left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that’s when I’m right.