Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Food

Top 15 Quotes (out of 16)


Fast food I think is like a conspiracy, y’know. I think that’s how they just keep us dumb. You can’t even think after a while, you ever notice that shit? Like you ever had your whole day planned out, you eat one egg McMuffin and you’re just on the couch, ‘Eh, y’know what, fuck my dreams.’


What we’ve done with our modern food supply is absolute insanity. It’s not even real any more. You used to be able to give a kid an apple and they would love it. Kids can’t even taste apples any more. Apples taste like paper to kids now.


Eating fast food is like murdering hitchhikers. As long as you only do it every once in a while, it will never catch up with you. If the word “nugget” is anywhere on your menu, I won’t eat at your restaurant. For me, mcdonald’s is just an emergency bathroom in over 119 countries. A hamburger shouldn’t cost 99 cents. Eating right is expensive, but what you spend on organic food, you save on new underwear.


The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.


We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!


All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.


I saw this one - it was for cat food - at the end of it, it says, 'All natural food for your cat.' All natural food? But cat food's made out of horse meat. Yeah, that's the way it works in nature: the cat, right above the horse in the food chain.


I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.


My grandparents - life was food. I go, 'Grandma, I don't feel well. I'm suicidal.' She says, 'You're hungry. You're just hungry.'


The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn't remind you of anything.


Eating crappy food isn't a reward - it's a punishment.


Moses, who said when he came out of Mount Sinai, "The food in that hospital is terrible!" Never got a dinner!


Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.


Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.


Do not taste food while you’re cooking... you may lose your nerve to eat it.