Quotes & Jokes about Alcohol / page 2

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? Yeah! Hilarious ring tones? Oh gah! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. I''s an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.

Alcohol is like pouring smiles on your brain.

A little Everclear punch. We had Everclear punch. Everclear is like 3000 proof grain alcohol. Illegal in 44 states. Makes a nice little mixer. Put it with Hawaiian Punch you got a nice little cordial. Girls are like, I can't even taste it. We know.

I'm glad them fucking holidays is over. "Don't drink and drive." Motherfucker, how am I going to get home?

I am not promoting the use of drugs, I'm just saying if you're gonna have a war against drugs, have 'em against all drugs including alcohol, the number one offender, or shut the fuck up!

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?

I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.

I believe that the phrase “time in a bottle” refers to the amount of beer you can drink before last call.

I don’t like people who drink decaf coffee it’s like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That’s like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

Black people drink lots of beer. However, you won't see us skiing down a mountain for one, or see us diving for Frisbees on concrete for one.

Please kids, I beg you. Don't be stealing beer underage.

Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.