Quotes & Jokes about Babies / page 2


Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Babies: they're not just for Puerto Ricans anymore.

My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.

People don't let politicians kiss your babies. Those lips have been on lobbyist asses for years now.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

They're not the sharpest people - babies. So, you must be everything to them.

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies". She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets… I thought she’d been bitten by a Great Dane.

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.

The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.

Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It’s sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but needs to be close so she secretly becomes the maid in the household.