Quotes & Jokes about Baseball / page 2

40 quotes

Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life. She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.

My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field, cause I stunk.

Everyone has an enemy. It’s why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.

You know how you speed up baseball? Everybody gets one swing. That's it one swing fuck you, you're out sit down!

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.

The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that looked like it had literally been attached with a glue gun. I couldn't believe how much there was, and wondered how he had never heard of scissors, or - more appropriate for that kind of growth - hedge trimmers. I didn't understand what porn he was watching to not be aware of the trimming that was happening all across the world among his compatriots. I'm not a finicky person when it comes to pubic hair maintenance and I certainly don't expect men to shave it all off, leaving themselves to look like a hairless cat. That's even creepier then than seeing what Austin had, which could really only be compared to one thing: A clown in a leg lock.

Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, "Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?"

Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer.

If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence.

Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.

When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.