Quotes & Jokes about Husband / page 2

60 quotes

I can’t keep referring to basketball players as Khloe Kardashian’s husband and his friends.

You know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... husband!

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, “A teaspoon before going to bed,” and in one day he uses seven bottles.

Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn’t keep him awake – even when it’s hot and being spilled on him.

My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head.

I have a wife back in LA who is so pissed at me... yeah, she’s so mad I’m sleeping with her husband.

I used to sell marijuana to my son’s mom’s new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband is finished.

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

She sits down across the table from me, and didn't say "Hi, hello, my name is..." She just said "this is what I'm going to tell my husband when he gets home from work today. I'm going to tell him that I had lunch with Jeff Foxworthy."

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.