Quotes & Jokes about Family / page 2

39 quotes

Of course, everybody's family is dysfunctional - we've accepted that. What are we supposed to do? Hate our parents for the rest of our lives?

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.

I don't understand this whole Elvis thing. There are dead people in my family that we miss and love dearly, but shoot, we don't dress up like them and do impressions. I'll show up at the family reunion in a dirty t-shirt and a bald cap - 'Look, everybody, I'm Uncle Earl.'

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man."

My family is number one in my life. I'll blow off writing or just about anything to make sure I take my son to preschool or watch him at his swimming lesson.

And for my family, comedically, that was the key to a lot of the humor.

My family kinda hit the skids. We were experiencing poverty at that point. We all got a job, where the whole family had to work as security guards and janitors. And I just got angry.

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

America's a family. We all yell at each other. It all works out.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

At family gatherings in the holidays, there was always some aunt, you know, with a moustache and a wart on her head, and she gives you a big sloppy kiss, ssssshhhhhkkkkk, you know, but when you try to go further with her... Oh boy. You know!

Without my family, I'd be something.

There's not many a man who would get shot and then come visit the family responsible.