Quotes & Jokes about Dogs / page 2

136 quotes

It's worse than dog eats dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

What a dog I got. I tried to mate her - she wants 50 biscuits.

I took Duke to the vet ’cause he eats his own turds, and I asked the vet, “Isn’t that unusual?” and he says, “No, a lot of dogs do that. Just take some of this powder here, sprinkle it on his food and it’ll make him stop.” I said, “What’s it do?” He says, “It makes his turds taste bad.”<br /> “I’m sorry, Doc, did you just say ‘it will make his turds taste bad’?” Let me tell you something, if you’ve stooped to eating turds, you’ve never uttered the phrase, “Oh my God! This is nasty!”

Fred was a funny kid, and I got a lot of humor from him. For a while, we were in a Catholic school up in Milwaukee, and Fred used to get laughs pulling an electric iron around the floor, like dragging a dog on a leash. Every day he had a new thing going with the iron. Fred was a great ball player too. He tried out with the Chicago White Sox, but that was years before Jackie Robinson made the break, and he was too early.

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?

I love dogs because there's no filter mechanism between the dog's brain and its tail. There's no filter there. Like, if the dog is happy, the tail is wagging; if the tail is wagging, the dog is happy. There's no passive aggressive shit like humans, like, "Oh this douchebag thinks I'm happy to see him".

My dog is an East German Shepherd.

The truth is Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring his bell just before the dog salivated.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

We’ve got 4 dogs, 2 of them are wiener dogs, those are her dogs. And they’re cute until they have to go to the vet, and then it’s like a billion dollars. I took them to the vet and our idiot vet goes, “That dog’s gonna have back problems right there.” No kidding! It’s got an 8-foot back and 2-inch legs! I could have figured that one out! Here’s another one, Doc Obvious. That right there’s a boy dog and he’s 1/4 inch away from dragging his transmission on the sidewalk!

In my life I've been through plenty. When I was three years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain, you might be a redneck.