Quotes & Jokes about Help / page 2

32 quotes

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.

You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green.

"Some people just join the military because they need college money." Then they're idiots and college wasn't going to help.

If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.

Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true.

You need an audience to help you figure out what’s working and what’s worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what’s worth touring with.

I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps.

When you’re learning, sometimes you make mistakes that help you be successful. It can be, realizing, “Oh, I did this wrong” or “I wasn’t affiliated with the right people.” Those things make you better.

You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!

Sometimes, to help the people you love, you've gotta commit a felony.

It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it’s wrong.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.