Quotes & Jokes about Homeless / page 2

36 quotes

A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."

I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?

It's weird, when you buy a house you just suddenly become really conservative. Before, when I rented, I didn't give a shit if there was a homeless guy jerking off on the street. I thought it was funny. 'Look at that guy right outside my window! Who needs cable when that guys sitting there rubbin' one out? Look at the lady runnin'!' It was great. But once you buy... every fuckin' little thing. 'Ahhh there's a pothole down the street that needs to be covered!'

I saw this homeless guy and this homeless girl, and they were making out! At one point, this guy walked by and yelled, "Get a box!"

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.

People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

Two weeks ago in Los Angeles, at a stop sign, I was asked for a dollar by a homeless 22-year-old Vietnam veteran. I was like, 'Here's a buck. Yeah, I know man, Da Nang was whack.'

People who are homeless, they're not all addicts. A lot of times, they're just people who, through something like losing their job or losing someone in their life, ended up on the streets. So much of our time is spent in cars that sometimes you need to look out of those windows. And you see that a dollar, 50 cents, whatever you have, may not mean much to you, but it means everything to people who are hungry and who are in need.

I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless. When black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.

You ever pull out money too big in front of a homeless dude? You're like, 'Let me give you some - oh, shit.' He like, 'Give me that $100.' 'No, here's some pennies.'