Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Language

Top 15 Quotes (out of 34)

#1

There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They must be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven... bad words.” That’s what they told us, right? You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.

112
#2

The most beautiful words in the English language are not "I love you", but "It's benign".

108
#3

Politically correct is the language of cowardice.

80
#4

"Equestrian," by the by, is the gayest word in the English language. In fact, I thought "Brokeback Mountain" should have been called "Two Equestrians."

54
#5

The four sweetest words in the English language - "You wore me down".

51
#6

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.

45
#7

Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious. It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.

31
#8

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

22
#9

There is no such thing as bad language: it's just our morals that are fucked.

18
#10

If we can teach sign language to monkeys, then shouldn't deaf people be awesome at gymnastics?

17
#11

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like "We have to get rid of dictators", but he's pretty much one himself.

17
#12

The language you are about to hear... is disturbing.

13
#13

Gay people speak each others language in a way that we don’t as heterosexual people. You meet a girl. Initially, you want to fuck her. She don’t want to, because she’s a girl… With gay guys that’s a meeting of the minds. Being gay is like walking into a shoe store and like,"Sir, do you have a size 10?" and the guy says, "They’re all size 10s!"

12
#14

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

12
#15

Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!

11