Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Prostitutes

Top 15 Quotes (out of 14)

#1

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

1,271
#2

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they’re scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: "You can’t just go out and sell it for what it’s worth, we’re holding out for so much more!"

40
#3

If God had intended women to prostitute themselves, he would have given them a free will and a vagina.

29
#4

You’re so beautiful like a tree or a high class prostitute.

19
#5

She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

15
#6

An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.

12
#7

If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.

11
#8

The Afghan government is as corrupt as a prostitute with a law degree.

10
#9

Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, "It's like ordering a pizza." Really? What restaurant is he going to? All I ever get is a pizza... I guess in some ways it is - when it’s delivered, it's never quite as hot as you hoped it would be.

8
#10

The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman’s rate.

7
#11

If I fell asleep right after sex, the prostitute might take some of my shit.

6
#12

"If you got it, flaunt it" may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.

5
#13

Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?

5
#14

Let's see what's going on over in Iraq. A Burger King has opened up and prostitutes are back on the street of Baghdad after 20 years. Fast food and hookers - they are truly living the American Dream.

4