Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Tea

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 21)

#1

Well, MTV isn't really my cup of tea... mainly because I hate huge pieces of shit in my tea.

200
#2

When white people go on break at their job. 15 minutes. They go to their desk. They eat their cheese sandwich. Drink their God damn tea. 15 minutes they’re back on the fucking job. My people I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with us. But when we go on break, that’s just what the fuck we do…. we break. You got to look for our motherfucking ass. “You seen Johnny?”

136
#3

I love coffee. I don’t drink coffee but I love it. I drink tea and I don’t like it. Let me say something about tea. Tea starts out bad and never gets better. You put in honey, cream, sugar, lemon and you still go "Ooh that’s bad!" And the people who make tea know it’s bad. That’s why they give you so many choices. You go into a store and there’s a thousand types of teas. Every herb fruit and spice in every combination. They’re desperate to make this stuff palatable and it almost works. You think, "Wow! Look at this! Apple, cinnamon, mango cherry tea. This should be great. I like all those things... This is going to be just great." You take a sip and go "Nope That’s still very bad."

56
#4

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

38
#5

Iced tea in the wintertime! Why not? 'Cause it's fucking dumb, that's why not!

36
#6

I don't think the Tea Party and Glenn Beck are responsible for one man's mental illness. Jared Lee Loughner, Arizona congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords' alleged assassin, was a psychopath. They didn't even know if the congresswoman was dead or not when they started saying that this was the result of volatile political rhetoric. What the fuck are they talking about? Every logical faction has come out and said that this psycho didn't watch the news, he wasn't a political junkie, he was far beyond that. We have to tone down political rhetoric.

33
#7

"What's in the tea?" "Water, bitch!"

24
#8

There ain't no party like my nana's tea party.

17
#9

Why sip from a tea cup, when you can drink from the river.

16
#10

I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.

8
#11

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

8
#12

I just mixed a 5 hour energy drink with some sleepy time tea. Let's see who wins this battle.

6
#13

Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.

6
#14

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say? When's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

5
#15

Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party.

5