Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Devil

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 20)

#1

They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know that it is, for sure … At least he fucking jams! If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the fucking Block … I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out.

516
#2

As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them. You will do shit that even the Devil would go "dude..."

124
#3

Ambiguity - the Devil’s volleyball.

64
#4

Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil’s workshop." And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

57
#5

I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.

50
#6

Abortion is an atrocity. Those who practice or praise it are either damn idiots, misguided fools, or treacherous devils.

48
#7

I praticed making faces in the mirror and it would drive my mother crazy. She used to scare me by saying that I was going to see the devil if I kept looking in the mirror. That fascinated me even more, of course.

17
#8

God is in my head, but the devil is in my pants.

12
#9

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

12
#10

The devil made me do it.

10
#11

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

9
#12

What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?

8
#13

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?

6
#14

The emotions of men, however, were of a different order. They were pesky annoyances, small dust devils at her feet. Her knack for causing heartbreak was innate, but her vitality often made people forgive her romantic misdeeds.

6
#15

The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

4