Quotes & Jokes about Dating / page 2

105 quotes

It’s our first date but I don’t want to go on a date. I wanted to do it in the daylight with animals so it couldn’t be misconstrued as anything in case he’s the worst.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you’re dating a woman who’s so crazy in bed that if you aren’t wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that’s exciting.

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

I don't think my mom’s racist, but I think she's old fashioned, you know? And she doesn't know how to, like, talk about it with me. She's like, 'Dat Phan, you like the soup? Eat the soup. Right there. You like the soup? Why you date the white girl?'

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.

She said I was moving too fast... I think it was a nice gesture to give her flowers on the first date. Perhaps the 'Bless This Family' plaque could have waited.

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, the more fingers they get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, "Alright, let's go."

You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.'