Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Flowers

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 21)

#1

I think it’s weird when you give someone flowers… Really saying here you go, now watch these die, cause I like you. I feel like you should give someone flowers if you want to threaten them, here you’re next. Better put your feet in water 'cause I’m coming for you.

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#2

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees, grass, flowers, the sun... that was nice...

267
#3

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fucking heroic.

208
#4

You know the best thing about necrophilia? You don't have to bring flowers. Yeah... Usually, they're already there.

159
#5

When my mother would make me sandwiches for school - zucchini and eggs, pepper and eggs, everything was with eggs - the oil would drip out of the bag. She didn't care if I lost the sandwich - she wanted that brown bag back. She used to give me artichoke sandwiches. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to sit in the schoolyard eating an artichoke with a piece of bread. A lot of kids didn't know what it was, they'd say, "Look at that guy eating flowers!"

16
#6

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

12
#7

The moon looks upon many night flowers; the night flowers see but one moon.

10
#8

Flowers are the fastest way to a woman's heart. Well, actually, the fastest way is through her rib cage, but flowers are a lot less messy.

9
#9

At my age flowers scare me.

7
#10

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

6
#11

I think that's why they have so many religious freaks in the airports, they even keep the flowers behind the counter 'Go, go my children... be fruitful and annoy.'

6
#12

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

6
#13

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

4
#14

She said I was moving too fast... I think it was a nice gesture to give her flowers on the first date. Perhaps the 'Bless This Family' plaque could have waited.

4
#15

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel.'

4