Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Desire

19 quotes

Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don’t want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual, natural desire and the last thing they want to do is believe that it has any detrimental side, or if they do believe it, they think it’s different for them because they live in a gated community or whatever the reason…

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

High school is tough on anyone, an absolute rule of the Universe being that if high school is not a buttockclenchingly awkward, emotionally difficult, and unpleasant time of your life, then the rest of it will be a crushing disappointment. Academic success is desirable, popularity - the only thing that most students really desire - is not. Those who excel socially in high school are truly damned. The homecoming queen does indeed bear the mark of the beast.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I used to be ashamed by the way that I grew up. I tried to lie my way through better times, but when you think that honesty and truth is really your best weapon you embrace it and put it behind you. In the end, it drives you and motivates you to do good work. No one should be ashamed about where they come from as long as you desire to be a compassionate and decent person.

I have no desire to be hip to the latest black slang and do the stereotypical black thing. I was a Richard Pryor fan, and I have used profanity in my act. But when it becomes a whole thing that defines blacks, we're limiting ourselves. The enemy is us.

We want to recognize that it is the end of the show without really saying it. But we'll satisfy the audience's desire for a little heart.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm.

Bombing teaches you how badly you want to become a comedian. Because unless it’s a burning desire, you’ll quit when the consistent bombing becomes too much to take.

I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor’s degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.