Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Change

42 quotes

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.

Every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.

Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.

Actually, there's nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change.

Divorce is just about change, you know. It's God saying, "You need a change. And I'm going to make it so your bank account only has change."

You know when you say something but you want to change in the middle? Like one time I was a bout to say take care but changed in the middle to good luck so it sounded like take luck... If you have any luck take care of it. Take luck you now. Shut up!

If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs.

Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes they get sober, and sometimes he was just a jerk who you’re lucky to be rid of.

When Obama ran, he said, "We can change the world!" The world: can you change it back?!

It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.