Quotes & Jokes about Money / page 2

57 quotes

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

It's all about money, not freedom, ya'll, okay? Nothing to do with fucking freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay?

I’m at a very frustrating point in my career because I’m not a millionaire. Like, people assume because you’re in movies or TV, you’re rich. I’m not rich, but I’m far from broke. I’m what you call a ‘thousandaire.’

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

We spend $48 million in lottery tickets. You can’t trust us with out money. "How you planning for your retirement?" "Powerball."

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America … but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.

Motherfucker looked at me like I owed him money. (on Reagan)

Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, the more fingers they get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?

This town is a back-stabbing, scum-sucking, small-minded town, but thanks for the money.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?

If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.

Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.