Quotes & Jokes about Shoes / page 2

56 quotes

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit.

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Golf is a lot like stand-up comedy. You have to suck to get good in the long run and I have always loved a challenge like that. The shoes are funny and always keep me laughing, especially when I suck extra hard!

I was at a disco a few nights ago. I was tearing up the dance floor. I had a nail in my shoe.

We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

Has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy.

Let’s say a guy walks up wearing the goofiest shoes you’ve ever seen. Crocs maybe.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.'

There are so many types of shoes. There's so many categories, and I really have no idea what type of shoe I need at any given time. And I go in there - I find it a little bit overwhelming. 'Welcome to the shoe store! What are you looking for? Are you looking for walking shoes?' Well, uh, I'd like to have that option. Hopefully, they're adjustable. I mean, I'd like to be able to turn them up to other settings, as well.

The reason we are together is because she puts lead in my shoes and doesn't let me fly off the earth. And it's always been that way.

I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before!

Does anyone have a mother that would hit you with a shoe? I had a mother that would throw a shoe at you at the drop of a dime. And fuck you up wherever she was aiming. So by the time I was like ten, my mother was like Clint Eastwood with a shoe.

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.