Quotes & Jokes about Shoes / page 2

56 quotes

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!

I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before!

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

There are so many types of shoes. There's so many categories, and I really have no idea what type of shoe I need at any given time. And I go in there - I find it a little bit overwhelming. 'Welcome to the shoe store! What are you looking for? Are you looking for walking shoes?' Well, uh, I'd like to have that option. Hopefully, they're adjustable. I mean, I'd like to be able to turn them up to other settings, as well.

We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

He doesn’t have to love your CD collection. He doesn’t have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family - especially when they’re great.

Let’s say a guy walks up wearing the goofiest shoes you’ve ever seen. Crocs maybe.

Has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy.

The reason we are together is because she puts lead in my shoes and doesn't let me fly off the earth. And it's always been that way.

I was in a shoe store and the guys call me boss, and I said, "Ya, can I just get those sneakers in a 10?" And uh, he said, "Okay" and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, "I don't have a 10, I have a 9." "Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed, so that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, 'cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you're right on. I'll take the 9's and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You're re-hired 'cause you're a genius.

My father walked to school, 4'oclock every morning. With no shoes on. Up a hill, both ways in 5 feet of snow, and he was thankful.

And I was just thinking: as much as I really admire your shoes, and as much as I'd love to have a pair just like them, I really wouldn't want to be "in" your shoes at this particular time and place.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit.

My father always dressed nice, and he always wore shades and a hat. Plus he always wore shined shoes. He taught me: “Always get there before you get there.” That means always dress nice. Even if you’re not the most handsome man in the world, you must have handsome characteristics, such as a handsome personality and attitude.

Yeah I'm talking to you, you toxic waste of life. You gonna pick that butt up, or do I have to glue it to the end of my shoe and stick it in your big fat pimply a-hole?