Quotes & Jokes about Dogs / page 5

136 quotes

They had a sign, and it said, 'Do not allow your dog to chase, injury or worry wildlife.' I understand the chasing and injuring part, but how is a dog going to 'worry' wildlife? Dog's going to run up to a bird: 'Hey, I think you've got something on your beak. It could be a tumor.'

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

It’s the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

Picasso, he should have been a taxidermist! “I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?” “Fido looks a bit weird.”

I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.

My dogs love me. Of course, by "love" I mean "poop" and by "me" I mean "everywhere".

You might be a redneck if your dog passes gas and you claim it.

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time... they're gone.

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it’s a pit bull, you say, “You better let him finish.”

When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies". She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets… I thought she’d been bitten by a Great Dane.

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits better suited for homosexuals participating in a gay pride parade. Dog costumes are right up there with something else I find particularly offensive: sweater vests.