Quotes & Jokes about Men / page 2

56 quotes

It’s hard to know what’s gay in life. Boxing. That’s two men fighting over a belt.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

One plus one equals three. When a man and woman marry they become one never two.

Guys talk about masturbating a lot more than women do. Women do it, but guys talk about it all the time. There's nothing to it. Be with your friends, like, 'Hey, Walter, we're gonna shoot baskets. You want to come with us?' And your friend Walter's like, 'Nah, you know what? I'm tired, man. I'm gonna go home, crank one out and take a nap.'

Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, the more fingers they get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house.

Men can’t buy makeup. So they have to buy something else. It’s called a Porsche.

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

Women do fool around. But the reason they don’t get caught is that when a woman mess with a man he lives cross town, out of town. Fellas we mess with next door neighbor, co-worker, wondering why she found out.

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: "Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back."

It's because of men like you that women like that fuck guys like me.

Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.

Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

There are two types of men: those who are intimated by a girl like me, and those who are not. You don't have to like me, but you don't have to be a dick about it. And after a lifetime of dealing with this, I'm pretty well-equipped, verbally, to cut anyone down at any time.