Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Care

Top 15 Quotes (out of 43)

#1

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

715
#2

Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to fuck just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber.

376
#3

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

218
#4

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

187
#5

Guys take care of your wife when she’s pregnant. Don’t say stupid stuff either, like me. I came home one time. My wife’s six months pregnant. She’s lying on the couch. There’s food and clothes everywhere. And I walked in and went, “What’d you do today?” Don’t do that. My wife looked up and said, “Today? I don’t know, Henry. Let’s see… what did I do today? Today I made a lung.”

121
#6

I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I'm like, "I never would have hung out with you. I didn't choose you. Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They're the same size. They don't care who they make me hang out with."

47
#7

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to life your head up and say: ‘Not today, you bastards.’

40
#8

When you jerk off, you’re saying “Hey, I care about me.”

35
#9

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

17
#10

I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'm a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights.

14
#11

There's no 'brothers' when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio... I don't know that guy.

13
#12

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff.

13
#13

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

9
#14

I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don't need a strong political background in.

8
#15

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

8