Quotes & Jokes about Restaurants / page 2

63 quotes

A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, "Everyone's got their tale of woe," and then turning around and saying, "Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail."

You know how Mexican restaurants always have “border” in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn’t do that to black people: Kunta’s Kitchen or Shackles. They don’t do it to white people. You don’t see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel…. oh, nevermind.

For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant, and no matter what you order off that menu, you walk out of there going, 'Damn, that was good!'

A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.

Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't give myself enough credit. I know enough English to, you know, get by. I can order in restaurants and stuff.

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

They got a restaurant called Hungry Jack's, but I didn't feel comfortable eating there. How good could it be? The guy who owns the restaurant is hungry. If it was called Fat Happy Fucking Well-Contented Jack's, I'd eat there. But I wouldn't bring a kid because it has a swear word in the title, and that's inappropriate.

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.

That's one thing nobody ever bitching about in a restaurant - parsley. You never see some indignant customer: "Waiter, please! Can we get a little more parsley over here?"

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, "It's like ordering a pizza." Really? What restaurant is he going to? All I ever get is a pizza... I guess in some ways it is - when it’s delivered, it's never quite as hot as you hoped it would be.

Acceptance is going to a restaurant where the salad's not great, but the steak is fine.

A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I’m outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?

One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.'