Quotes & Jokes about Women / page 2

66 quotes

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

I do love women. I don’t think they get enough sexual attention. Guys aren't as in touch with that until they've been married a couple of times. After my second divorce, I said, “Hey, I bet if I learned how to fuck really good I won’t have to give away everything I own every five fucking years!

Guys talk about masturbating a lot more than women do. Women do it, but guys talk about it all the time. There's nothing to it. Be with your friends, like, 'Hey, Walter, we're gonna shoot baskets. You want to come with us?' And your friend Walter's like, 'Nah, you know what? I'm tired, man. I'm gonna go home, crank one out and take a nap.'

Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. It's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping us.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house.

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do...

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

If God had intended women to prostitute themselves, he would have given them a free will and a vagina.

Women do fool around. But the reason they don’t get caught is that when a woman mess with a man he lives cross town, out of town. Fellas we mess with next door neighbor, co-worker, wondering why she found out.

It's because of men like you that women like that fuck guys like me.

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don’t.