Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Hate

Top 15 Most Popular Quotes (out of 50)

#1

Well, MTV isn't really my cup of tea... mainly because I hate huge pieces of shit in my tea.

205
#2

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

186
#3

Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!

139
#4

Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you've never met.

114
#5

So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

94
#6

I hate false advertising, like 'Skittles: taste the rainbow.' No one's ever been like, 'Rainbow, right you guys?' Or what's Reese's? 'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.' Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn't love you.

88
#7

I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.

62
#8

I hate when I'm masturbating to a hot chick on TV and then, right when I'm about to come, it cuts to one of the other Smurfs.

56
#9

And if I die early the situation will be auto-erotic asphyxiation, I hate my life and it hates me back!

44
#10

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

29
#11

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house.

26
#12

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

26
#13

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

23
#14

I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

20
#15

All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.

18